How long do you worry about your kids???

Is there an imaginary cutoff period when
offspring become accountable
for their own actions?

Is there some wonderful moment when
parents can become
detached spectators in
the lives of their children and shrug,
'It's Their life,' and feel nothing?


When I was in my twenties,
I stood in a hospital corridor
waiting for doctors to put a few stitches
in my daughter's head and I asked,
'When do you stop worrying?'
The nurse said,
'When they get out of the accident stage..'
My Parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.


When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little chair in a classroom
and heard how one of my children
talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making license plates.
As if to read my mind, a teacher said,
'Don't worry, they all go through this stage
and then you can sit back,
relax and enjoy them.'
My Parents just smiled
faintly
and said nothing.


When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
for the phone to ring,
the cars to come home,
the front door to open.
A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves.
'Don't worry!
In a few years, they'll be adults.
'They'll be off on their own
they'll be out of
your hair'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.



By the time I was 50,
I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children,
but there was a new wrinkle..
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their failures,
be tormented by their frustrations and
absorbed in their disappointments..
and there was nothing I could do about it.
My Parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.



My friends said that
when my kids got married
I could stop worrying
and lead my own life.
I wanted to believe that,
but I was haunted by my parent's warm smiles
and their occasional,
'You look pale. Are you all right' ?
'Call me the minute you get home'.
Are you depressed about something?'


My friends said that
when I became a grandparent
that I would get to enjoy
the happy little voices yelling
Grandma! Papa!
But now I find that I worry
just as much about the little kids
as the big ones.
How can anyone cope
with all this
Worry?



Can it be that parents are sentenced
to a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch
to blaze the trail of human frailties
and the fears of the unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it
a virtue that elevates us
to the highest form of earthly creation?


Recently, one of my own children
became quite irritable,
saying to me,
'Where were you?
I've been calling for 3 days,
and no one answered
I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

A Leader!

He who Knows Not, and Knows Not that Knows Not,

but thinks he Knows, is a fool ... shun him!

He who Knows Not, and Knows that he Knows Not,

is a child ... teach him!

He who Knows, but uses not what he Knows,

is asleep ... wake him!

Oh! but he knows, and Knows that he Knows,

and uses what he Knows is a Leader ... follow him!

~ Author Unknown

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• Be Thankful

BE THANKFUL

Image by jenosale via Flickr

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something.
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations.
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge.
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary.
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those
who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

by Unknown

Conquer Inferiority

• Formulate and Stamp permanently on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding.
• Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal powers comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.
• Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.
• Depreciate every so-called obstacle. Minimize them. Difficulties must not be inflated by fear thoughts.
• Do not be awestruck by other people and try to copy them.
• Remember: Most people despite their confident appearance and demeanor (behavior, conduct), are often as scared as you are and as doubtful of themselves.
• 10 times a day repeat these dynamic words...
• "If God be for us, who can be against us?"
• Make a true estimate of your own ability, and then raise it 10%.
• Believe in your own God-released powers.

Source: Norman Vincent Peale in "The Power of Positive Thinking"

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• PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST ~ Personal Management (myhugs.blogspot.com)
• Be Cheerful & Positive ~ Optimistic Paradigms (myhugs.blogspot.com)
• BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND ~ Personal Leadership (myhugs.blogspot.com)

Bless or Curse?

"In order to gain the most benefit from blessing, you will have to give up or cut way down on the one thing that negates it: cursing. This doesn’t mean swearing or saying “bad” words. It refers to the opposite of blessing, namely criticizing instead of admiring; doubting instead of affirming; blaming instead of appreciating; and worrying instead of anticipating with trust. Whenever any of these are done they tend to cancel out some of the effects of blessing. So the more you curse the harder it will be and the longer it will take to get the good from a blessing. On the other hand, the more you bless the less harm any cursing will do."~ Serge Kahili King

Thank you and Sorry!

Image by bp6316 via Flickr

Thank you and sorry are perhaps the first words we learn. And they stay with us right through our lives as yardsticks of our civility.

But when was the last time we said “thank you” or “sorry” without meaning to simply offload our burden of obligation or guilt? Indeed, these words no longer express what they are supposed to. Instead, they are used flippantly, thrown around without care, often reduced to an easy way of getting off the hook and evading meaningful action.

They may well be the most used words in times of political correctness. But they are clearly the most abused as well. The emotions of gratitude and apology are vital to the chain of human reciprocity. But in stripping them of sincerity, we also seem to be closing the doors on their benefits for us.

In almost all religious traditions, gratitude is a manifestation of virtuous character. “Gratitude, as it were, is the moral memory of mankind,” wrote sociologist Georg Simmel. Scottish philosopher Thomas Brown defined gratitude as “that delightful emotion of love to him who has conferred kindness on us, the very feeling of which is itself no small part of the benefit conferred”. German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: “In ordinary life, we hardly realise that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”

The quality of being thankful implies the disposition to turn goodwill into action and the inclination to return kindness. A “thank you” denotes the attitude of positive acceptance, a determination to employ the kindness or blessing imaginatively and inventively. It connotes the humility of considering oneself the recipient of undeserved merit. “He who receives a benefit with gratitude repays the first instalment on his debt,” observed Roman statesman Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Gratitude comes endowed with the power to help us create the life we want and can be therapeutic. Gratefulness emanates from looking at what someone or something has done for us. It is, therefore, about positivity of outlook, which, in turn, generates optimism and energy. Conversely, the lack of gratefulness breeds negativity and despair. In fact, proponents of positive psychology, a recent branch of psychology that studies the strengths and virtues enabling individuals and communities to thrive, consider gratitude to be a pleasant emotional state like happiness, joy, love, curiosity and hope.

The lack of gratefulness is largely because we take things for granted, brashly presuming that they are either our rightful due or are far less than what we deserve. What holds us back from being grateful is such lack of contentment and an endless craving for more. Often, we insist on waiting for the results of an action or a blessing to show up before expressing gratitude. This indicates a dearth of trust and faith, which pays us back in our own coin.

In a way, gratitude helps us realise the benefits of mindful meditation, which is all about acknowledging and feeling connected with every breath and blessing of life. Invariably, a life with gratefulness as its pivot is also a solution to the ills spawned by insatiable human yearnings.

We might wonder where the need for gratitude is if we pay for goods and services in money. Gratitude doesn’t even fetch us discounts. In fact, there is a subtle line of distinction between gratitude and ingratiation. So much so that when someone thanks us too many times, we start doubting his intention. However, as philosopher Adam Smith averred, gratitude is a vital civic virtue, essential for the healthy functioning of societies. He called gratitude a part of the moral capital required for human societies to flourish.

The act of offering and accepting an apology is as profound and healing a human interaction as that of expressing gratitude. But while the offhand “sorry about that” keeps flying around, our ego prevents us from realising its full potential. The word loses its impact when we refrain from acknowledging our offence (“Sorry for whatever I may have done”) or throw in a self-serving conditionality (“I am sorry if you were hurt”). If the purpose of an apology is only to say, “While I don’t think I was wrong, I will apologise because you say so”, it is best not to offer one, for, the worst we can do is to insult someone’s sensitivity or intelligence by such treatment.

Bestowed with the power to effect reconciliation and mend strained relationships, an apology must involve acknowledging the offense adequately, expressing genuine remorse and offering appropriate reparations, including a commitment to make changes. “A stiff apology is a second insult,” said novelist and poet G K Chesterton. “The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.”

The rewards of an apology can only be earned, not embezzled. With everybody from convicts to public figures seeking its refuge, “sorry” is not a quickfix for things gone awry, but the starting point of restoring order. The use of this word must be backed by sincerity of intention. “Never ruin an apology with an excuse,” advises American poet Kimberly Johnson. Seldom does an apology sensitise us to the responsibility of not repeating the same mistake.

A sincere apology helps both parties achieve greater harmony: While the individual making an apology is disencumbered of guilt, shame and fear of retaliation, the one who accepts an apology heals his own humiliations and grudges, rids his mind of the painful preoccupations of revenge and generates forgiveness to bring about greater peace in his own life and in the lives of others around him.

Expressing gratitude and apology without necessarily being grateful or remorseful people is an exercise in futility. Shallow expressions of gratitude and apology are not emotionally evocative and end up producing the contrary result. Often, they are so disengaged and superficial that they fail to motivate altruistic action and positivity. What matter most here is honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, courage and sacrifice, for these qualities define our true dignity.

by Harsh Kabra here

Why Worry?

There are only two things to worry about;
Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about.
If you are sick, there are two things to worry about;
Either you will get well or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are two things to worry about;
Either you will go to Heaven or you will go to Hell.
If you go to Heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
If you go to Hell, well . . . why worry now! It's Too Late!
-Author Unknown

My suggestion as a MUST READ book in such a turbulent time
A Setback is a Setup for a Comeback by Willie Jolley
Ch. 'Do not Panic' pg:97

please do not forget to share your worries n comments as well as comebacks

Sharpen the Saw ~ Balanced Self Renewal

According to philosopher Herb Shepherd our healthy balanced life resolves around for values i.e. perspective (spiritual), autonomy (mental), connectedness (social) and tone (physical). Sound motivation and organization theory embrace these four dimensions or motivations-the economic (physical), how people are treated (social), how people are developed and used (mental), and the service, the job, the contribution, the organization gives (spiritual).

"Sharpen the saw" basically means expressing all four motivations. Exercising all these four dimensions of our nature regularly and consistently in wise and balanced ways. To do this we must be proactive. Most importantly, as it lies at the corner of circle of influence, no one else can do it for us. We must do it for ourselves.

The physical dimension involves caring effectively for our physical body. The spiritual dimension provides leadership qualities to our formal education and grooming patterns. The social / emotional dimension centered on the principles of interpersonal leadership, empathetic communication and creative cooperation.

All these dimension enhance our greatest asset we have-ourselves. The habit talk about taking time to sharpen to all these attributes for an enlightening living, joyous in every aspect.

BE PROACTIVE ~ Personal Vision

It all starts with our self awareness that enables us to stand tall in the crowd and examine the way we 'see' ourselves. It leads us to see beyond, listen beyond and act beyond in any environment. It makes us understand that we are responsible for our lives. It denotes the most basic habits of a successful people, the habit of pro activity.

How will you develop this self awareness? One excellent way to become more proactive is to look at where we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns - our health, our career, our children, our social condition etc. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular or mental or emotional involvement by creating a circle of concern.

As we start focus our attention at those things within our circle of concern, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we own do something about. And as soon as we begin working on the things, we can do something about , the nature of our energy will flow in more positive way, enlarging, magnifying, causing our circle of influence to increase.

Being proactive means you should take care to put all your efforts in the circle of influence. You should nurture your energy towards fulfilling your own ability. Your proactive approach that teaches you to see things in new light helps you to break the shackle of all your problems within the circle of influence.

Anger

Image by scriptingnews via FlickrAnger is a completely normal, usually healthy, negative human emotion. Why do we have it? I think it is because we want to Control situations of the past which we can't and to Control people's behaviour, the way we want them to behave them.

While thinking over it I found that it is due to image in our mind set which triggers Anger when ever it differs from our set image of situation or person which we have created for the person/ situation and that may be totally different.

I think we can win over this emotion by removing our expectations from people / situation. It's really easier said then done. But, I believe, we can start experimenting by making a declaration of having a day of no expectations with hubby, co-workers, kids, traffic, pollution, fund managers, bankers or even systems.

Are you ready to play the game? An invitation to share your views and experiences along with your thoughts on Anger.